Call Me Caitlyn Edgar

As I watch my former friend Bruce Jenner morph into a very beautiful mature sexy woman, I begin to ask myself questions. These questions bother on why I should not do the same thing and transform into Ekaette, oluwayemisi Edgar. You see, these thoughts have been swirling in my head with all the media attention and money my friend Bruce or sorry Caitylyn has been making since she cut off her penis and introduced breasts and make up into her life. 

The only thing that has stopped me so far but not for long though is the sweetness of a curvy, chubby woman. Once I remember just how lovely it is as you descend into the core of womanhood, I will just back out from making that call. But why would I want to turn into a woman. Is life as a woman more interesting, I doubt. 

What with all their wahala, expensive fake hair, monthly visitor, the fact that they itch for marriage and when they get married itch to get out. The fact that they remain subservient to their husbands and can’t even go and buy sweet without taking permission is really a big turn off. Although an attraction for me is the opportunity of having those organs like the breast and the you know what all to myself without having to beg, steal or borrow to enjoy it is a definite pull. 

But how would I look like as a woman. I have looked at myself critically, I’m sure I would have to pay a premium to get the change because the Doctors would have to work double to ensure a successful sex change. They would have to work on my scattered teeth, straighten my Bowlegs, reduce my calves, take extra time to shave off my huge manhood, which I must say is really huge, bleach my skin, grow very very big breast for me and carve out a Kim Kardashian type ass for me. All these would cost quite a pile and take double the time it took them to transform Bruce to transform me to Ekaette. 

Now what kind of men would I be attracted to. I would want to date men who are like me now.. Men, who are sophisticated and classy. Men who understand the rhythms of classical music and who know how to treat a lady. but what kind of men would I like to sleep with, I will like to sleep with men like Chinese men with little peckers so they won’t spoil the newly created vagina and as I get older and the vagina gets more relaxed and ready I will graduate from Chinese men and go for Yoruba men with a little bit bigger peckers than Chinese men but still small though and then end up with calabar men who not only have fantastic peckers but know how to use it. I will not go near the Hausa men whose peckers are legendary in their size lest my vagina ends up like a Boko Haram Bomb site. 

As I think, I begin to imagine what could go wrong as a woman, I won’t know how to seat like a lady, I would give every body a free show as I would continue to seat like a man opening up my legs and showing my newly manufactured vagina for all to see. I will not know how to keep men guessing and making them work before getting access to my gloryhole. I will still have the manly strong urge for sex and would thereby turn into a nympho and increase the risk of catching Aids. I could be exposed to very wicked men, who will be mean to me and take advantage of my inexperience at being a woman and much more importantly I would really be ugly as a woman. 

So all said, I think I will rest the idea of turning into Ekaette and remain the strong confident He goat that has continued to be a terror to all women from size 20 and above. 

Teheeeeeee
Joseph Edgar is an investment banker who writes as a hobby. He comments on trending issues in Nigeria and around the globe from a satirical point of view. He blogs at josephedgarng.blogspot.com

The Caitlyn Jenner Transgender Madness | By: Etcetera

And that’s how Bruce Jenner unveiled his new identity, leaving his male identity behind with Caitlyn. Trust Nigerians not to be left behind in the gossip and buzz it generated.
A female radio presenter was like, “Oh my God,” so Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner? What the hell is going on?”
Pleaseeeee, Nigerians should stop feigning surprise like they’ve not seen or heard anything like this before. You all should stop acting like we don’t have our own Denrele Edun.
Mscheeeeeewwwww – is it because Bruce or Caitlyn (whatever she is called now) finally had enough balls to come out and say he is now a woman? It’s just a matter of time, Denrele will be woman enough and do same thing and give us something new to talk about aside from his Nkechi-like hairdo.
I don’t think it should even be in our news that Caitlyn Jenner is now a transgender. There are thousands of them in America. They infused the word in our vocabulary and it has become an umbrella term for people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned by God.
An American transgender described Caitlyn as the “Change” that America champions which is why America is always ahead of the rest of the world.
Hahahahaha! Change indeed.
HELLO!!!! can someone tell that American transgender or transsexual or whatever she is that the slogan for the new government in Nigeria is “CHANGE?”
Lol, we’ve had Denrele since and we didn’t see him as change… Maybe someone should show her Denrele’s pictures so that she will be aware that Nigeria is catching up with them. Jesus Christ! Is this what being westernised is all about? Isn’t this madness? Isn’t that the term for those who enjoy dressing as the opposite sex? Or should we refer to Denrele as a cross-dresser for now until he finally plucks off his balls? Does it look like Denrele will eventually pluck off his balls? Yes, eventually. It is just a matter of time.
We are already used to his lipsticks, heels and Nkechi hairdo. And of course, he’s already been a poster “girl” for Nigerian magazines for as long as I can remember. The same poster girl that Bruce, oh sorry Caitlyn Jenner has dreamt of becoming since he/she was a child. Shit!!! – How do you write an article about Denrele and Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner if you keep identifying them by the wrong gender pronoun? Am I going to be saying “sorry” whenever I make mistakes like, “He looks hot,” or “she looks hot?” The American system has made it impossible to mention Bruce and balls in the same sentence. Like Caitlyn Jenner, are we soon going to start using the V-word for Denrele and Charlie boy too? I pray we never get there.
Our society doesn’t deserve such cruelty and madness. Denrele and Charlie Boy, for society’s sake, please keep your balls.. Lol…
Lawmakers, we need a little help here. Can you guys please give us something to stop Denrele, Uncle Charlie Boy or any other Nigerian from de-balling themselves now or anytime in the future? The lawmakers should do something about transgenders.
That Bruce Jenner is no longer a man proves that America has gone mad. We shouldn’t allow the west to influence us wrongly. These guys have been the butt of jokes and the source of rumours and speculations for years, as their appearances became more feminine.
They need our prayers now more than ever. As for Bruce Jenner, he needs Jesus. Without Jesus, he is hopeless—regardless of whether he struggles with gender identity or not. Eternity is a small and rapidly decreasing number of heartbeats away and he will live in hell, as Bruce Jenner, not Caitlyn, for trillions of years (forever) in horrifying, unending torment, with a never-ending panic attack. The same goes for everyone who is reading this and has been chasing a different identity from that which God has given you. Hell is your future. You will live in terror. This is the truth.

Caitlyn Jenner beats Obama's twitter record.

Do you remember the day Barack Obama joined twitter? Well, lemme refresh your memories if you don’t.  The US President reached1 million followers in approximately 4.5 hours after signing up on the social networking site on May 18, 2015.
Before Obama, the Guinness World Record was held by Robert Downey Jr, who in 2014 garnered1 million followers in 23 hours and 22 minutes.‎
Well, Caitlyn, formerly Bruce Jenner has squashed both records. Shortly after pictures of his transformation into a woman surfaced on twitter, Caitlyn Jenner became the fastest person ever to amass 1m Twitter followers. She reached 1 million followers at approximately 1:20 p.m, that was about ‎three minutes some few minutes less than Barack Obama’s.
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