Often times I have heard parents refer to their kids as their best friends and vice versa, that just leaves me astonished considering the idea is alien to me, 1st because I didn’t experience it and secondly…you’ll find out as you read on. In avoidance of misunderstanding the noun parenting, I chose to look it up in a dictionary (Longman Dictionary of contemporary English). Parenting is the skill or activity of looking after your own children, as an activity I am made to understand it has no stop date. Hold up, I just heard someone ask “what does she even know about being a parent?” you’d be surprised how much one gets to know just by being an onlooker. During a conversation with a dear friend of mine, I was teasing him as usual and calling him “omo mummy” which could also mean “mummy’s pet” because he is the last child and his response gave a whole new meaning to this article that was already in the works.
Holding on too tight/ Letting go too soon:
“I am not mummy’s pet oo, if not why did she send me to boarding school?” the sound of resentment in his voice was almost 20years old. Years earlier a little kid was let go too soon, a parenting choice made for the good of their young son still had an impact on him years later but would he have preferred to be held onto tightly? The answer for me would be a big NO! I was shipped off to boarding school at the age of 10, very skinny little thing to fend for herself and thanks mom because that decision has moulded a strong independent woman who is on the verge of making an impact in life.
Are we even forgetting the torment parents go through when they have to let go? Only recently did I accompany my dad to drop off my kid brother who was starting JSS1 and as I watched his tiny physique disappear into the male hostel, I felt my eyes water and only then did I imagine the pain they must have felt having to do it over and over, with all 5 kids. Need I even talk about the financial implications?
They would be eating their cakes and having it if they choose for you to attend a day school. Another instance would be when Daddy walks his ‘little’ angel down the aisle; he isn’t ready and might never be but against his better judgment he releases her to a man he barely knows. Finding the balance between these 2 extremes puts the P in Parenting.
My Baby is all grown up!
Only yesterday was she in diapers, running around the house and you enjoying the sound of her little feet clapping against the floor. Now she’s all grown up and you have to give her sex education and watch her go out on dates, seems like you just blinked and all that happened…yet many parents try to rush this process.
Children are not allowed to have and enjoy their childhood anymore, I see kids under the ages of 3 wearing traditional attires and fixing weave-on, looking like adults in a baby’s body. These kids now watch whatever they choose and know more RnB songs than most of us adults do. I attended a 1year old birthday party some time back and when it was time for the kiddies dance competition, my jaw dropped to the floor (literally) because children were dancing in every manner that wasn’t suitable for them while their ‘proud’ parents watched and cheered them on. Underage marriage isn’t the only thing that robs children of their childhood, not letting them grow at their pace also does.
LOVE: Too much or too little?
Growing up I remember my mom being the ‘flogger’ (in fact I still remember the feel on her hands against my skin)*snaps back to reality* which might be perceived as less love while my dad never raised a finger on me. Many years later it turns out I am closer to mom than I am to dad. This just goes to validate the Good book that says “spare the rod and spoil the child”.
The rod may not necessarily be literal; it just means a parent should be firm and by that should also be ready to be accused of less love by the child, like I did my mom instead of spoiling him and showing ‘more love’. Learn to say no to your kids, they would thank you later for not giving them ice-cream each time they asked for it, or stopping them from picking out the vegetable because it didn’t taste good. You are the adult, you know better. Later when the irony unfolds of who showed more or less love, you should be able to pat yourself at the back for a job well done.
Parenting is a necessary evil, evil because your kids may not like what you do half the time but because you are the adult who can see what they can’t see even when they climb the iroko tree, you just have to patiently wait for realization to hit them. Our children are the leaders of tomorrow, the role you play today would determine the kind of leaders they become. I pray God gives you the grace to be a good parent…Amen