Chelsea sack steward for calling Fabregas a snake
Chelsea have fired a steward who labelled one of their midfielders, Cesc Fabregas “a snake”. Albeit the incident happened a while back, the footage was released on the Internet yesterday.
Mr. President, the hangman must be involved in your fight against corruption – Etcetera
Toni Payne never cheated on me – singer, 9ice issues statement

Dambazau’s shoes and the sycophancy of political aides | By: Reuben Abati

“Your fellow columnists. See how they are attacking the Minister of Interior,
General Abdulrahman Dambazau, just because an orderly helped to shine his shoes
in public.”
“I really don’t see what the hoopla is all about”
“Me too”
“I think many of our people just like to talk about shoes. For five years,
Nigerians kept talking about how former President Goodluck Jonathan had no
shoes as a child.”
or so, the former President was again talking about shoes. In America.”
“I think people love shoes. That is why they won’t also allow Dambazau to rest
over his shoes.”
“Read what your friend has written here. He says the orderly was subjecting
himself to indignity by bending down to shine his oga’s shoes at a public
ceremony.”
“He doesn’t understand. Many of the commentators are probably thinking of their
own type of shoes. When you see some shoes, you’d certainly not want a speck of
dust anywhere close by. There are shoes and there are shoes. All these people
making noise, have they seen some shoes?”
he said he bought for 2, 000 pounds. I swear I’d gladly clean such shoes even
if it is at a solemn funeral.”
“Do you have any idea the type of shoes the Minister was wearing?”
“No. But what does it matter? My point really is that people should stop
blaming the Minister. Look when you are in public office, things like that
happen. It is the duty of your aides to make sure you look good all the time. “
“I agree. A Minister of the Federal Republic must always be impeccably dressed.
If you ask me to choose between Minister Dambazau and that one that wears beret
and dresses as if he is going for a Man O’ War session, I’ll choose Dambazau
any day.”
“My own point is that nobody should blame the Interior Minister. It is not as
if he summoned the orderly and asked him to start shining his shoes in public.
These things happen. We should blame the aide. Aides in government corridors
are too sycophantic, sometimes, they don’t fit the occasion to the act.”
“I have seen quite a few of such aides. I once went with someone to visit a
state Governor. The Governor was the only one sitting on a sofa. All his aides
including commissioners sat on the floor. I didn’t know what to do, whether to
stand or join the aides on the floor. “
language though. And what did you do?”
“Me? I sat down on the sofa oh. I think it is the aides who are guilty. It is a
peculiar kind of ailment: it is called eye service.”
“I know. We don’t really have a civil service.”
“We have an eye service. Anything that will make the boss happy, even if the
same aides will later turn around and bad mouth the same boss.”
behave like robots. When their boss stands up, they also stand. When the boss
sits down, they too sit down. They eat what eats, and when they see the big
man’s wife, they start grinning from ear to ear.”
“I have seen otherwise educated aides carrying bags for their Oga’s wife.”
“And you know they don’t need to be forced to do all that. People just do it.
It is a way of showing loyalty”
“But I think your friend’s point in this article is that the big men should discourage
such behaviour.”
“Have you not seen where people kneel down to talk to their boss? Even when
they are asked to stand up or sit down, you’d see adults saying, let me remain
on the ground sir. I am fine sir, Your Excellency. I am afraid one of these days,
you’d see an aide prostrating publicly to make their boss feel good. Don’t
blame the boss, blame the aide.”
enjoy it. An old friend lost his job as a commissioner because he had developed
the habit of arguing with the Governor at Council meetings. He refused to
behave like other commissioners, the oga-is-always-right crowd.”
“Any boss that is always right cannot get it right.”
“You know, the guy told me that at a particular Council meeting, one of his
colleagues stood up and told the Governor, sir in fact, I have been meaning to
tell you, I don’t know how you do it, you are the wisest man I have ever seen,
the best strategist in the world, the best thing to have ever happened to our
state. Then, he asked other council members to give the Governor three gbosas.
Our friend said he was shocked.”
“So, did he expect the Governor to sack the praise-singer?”
“That particular commissioner always got anything he wanted. Someone like that
would willingly clean the Governor’s shoes, he’d in fact gladly do it. ”
“I imagine that it is the same in the corporate world. Some company executives
behave like houseboys.”
“It is a Nigerian thing, then. I am sure if General Dambazau had asked that guy
not to shine his shoes in public, he would have been very upset. He would think
he has fallen out of favour. He was happy serving the boss, the same way
policemen are happy to carry bags for other people’s wives.’
“It’s human nature. It’s this whole thing about the survival of the fittest.”
“My brother! That’s frightening. I understand up to about 63 people have died
already in 17 states, and that more may die.”
“The Minister of Health, Professor Isaac Adewole says the Nigerian Government
will write the obituary of Lassa fever by April.”
“I hope so. If it is possible to do it before April, that will help, because
the way Lassa fever is writing the obituary of so many people, it may turn out
to be worse than Ebola virus.”
“I think the Minister and his team, and the various state governments are doing
a good job of alerting the public to the dangers of Lassa fever. Even
government agencies like the NYSC have deployed public enlightenment teams to
market places.”
“One man ran away from a hospital while being treated for Lassa fever. May be
government should begin to quarantine people. These days, when I see anybody
looking sick, even if it is ordinary fever, I start by imagining the worst and
I keep my distance.”
“I hear some people eat house rats.”
“What?”
“Then, public enlightenment should become even more vigorous. Eat rat? How can
anybody eat Okon Calabar?”
“Okon Calabar. That’s what we called rats when I was in school. You know some
of these big rats that don’t run away from human beings. When they see you,
they actually act like they want to jump on you. I believe those are the real
multi mammate rats.”
“I have asked somebody to help me buy two cats.”
“You have rats in your house? What kind of house is that? Where do you live?”
“I live in Babana Island.”
“Babana Island. Not Banana Island? Oh, Babana. That island that is around Abule
Egba, close to one refuse dump”
“You no well.”
“When your house is dirty, and nothing is well kept, you’d breed rats, of
course.”
“I don’t live in dirty surroundings. I am just taking precautions. And take my
advice, also try and buy cats. Let’s kill all the rats in Nigeria.”
“I like that. Let’s kill the rats and save lives. But you don’t need cats, get
a fumigator to drive all dangerous things away from your house: rats,
cockroaches, mosquitoes.”
“The cost of fumigation has gone up. I hear fumigators are making serious gains
now.”
“Very soon, the cost of cats will also rise. “
“Cats?”
“Yes. Don’t you know that everything is business in this country?”
“There are too many human rats out there ready to take advantage.”
“What do you mean human rats?”
“You don’t know some human beings are like rats, causing fever?
“You are speaking in tongues. Okay, name one human rat that you know.”
“I am looking at one right now.”
“Me?”
“Yes”
militants in the Niger Delta who are again sabotaging the country by blowing up
oil installations, and giving the Federal Government conditions.”
“The Port Harcourt, Warri, and Kaduna refineries have been shut down due to
pipeline vandalism. At this rate, we ‘d soon buy fuel at N200 per litre.”
“God knows we can’t afford another round of Niger Delta militancy. We have Boko
Haram. We have the Biafra “secessionists.” And now Niger Delta militants are
back to the creeks and trying to reverse the gains of the amnesty programme. In
the end, we will all suffer for it.”
“Don’ t worry, those boys will be dealt with.”
“At what cost? It is better to nip the crisis in the bud.”
“How? By begging the militants? The Federal Government has made it clear that
it will not succumb to blackmail.”
“Who is talking about blackmail?”
“Wahala today. Wahala tomorrow. This Nigeria sef.”
“Yes oh. They are even saying we will now pay stamp duty on all monies paid
into our bank accounts once the amount is over N1, 000. When you add that to
other bank charges, how much is left?”
“My friend, it is just N50.”
“It is not just N50. Why must I dash government money? Is government now
begging for alms? Is it that bad? If I want to give anybody alms, it should be
my decision.”
“There is a law called Stamp Duties Act. They want to enforce the law.”
“So, a bank is now a branch of the Post Office? If anybody posts money into my
account, government will force me to buy stamp? And yet we want a cashless
society? Very soon, people will stop doing electronic transfers.”
“Don’t be stingy. Be a good citizen.”
“N50 on every transaction. For people who run active accounts, that could
amount to very heavy tax by the end of a month. You know what? I think they should
just re-name the banks and call them post offices, since they are now selling
stamps.”
“As in?”
“As in Zenith Post Office”
“Diamond Post Office”
“Union Post Office”.
“Na wa oh.”
Stop Embarrassing Us! Wazobia OAP, Lol0 1, calls out comedienne Princess out on Instagram

Short Story: Pristine | By: Morountodun (Vol 8)

good now?”
said I could take Friday off? I’ve had all weekend to recover. I feel much
better now.”
school, because the school’s still quite new. I get to see other corpers,
though, during CDS, clearance, in church on Sundays… I’ve friends already, it’s
cool. How’s home?”
we’re getting dressed.”
after the call. It was Chika this time.
not so far from yours. How about we try it out for dinner?” he said.
the coincidence of her whole family dining out that night.
hour. We’re strolling.”
breeze was just perfect. When they walked away from her street, she observed,
“It’s like there are traffic lights every few metres in this city.”
town. You should see other parts, like where I stay. Gombe is really not a bad
place.”
my accommodation isn’t the best, you don’t have to rub it in.”
He chuckled.
service year would just feel like I never left home, anyway. This’ll give me
some experience to share later in life,” she said with a defiant shrug.
the Nigerian President, you can talk about how you grew up without shoes too?
Goodluck with that.”
replied, laughing. “Speaking of presidents, have you ever thought about being
one when batch A passes out? You’re B, right?”
quickly pulled her away from the road so they switched positions. He looked at
her. “No, I haven’t. Why did you ask?”
think you’d make a good CLO or CDS president, whichever one you prefer.”
be a CLO, trust me. President might be cool though. What inspired that
thought?” He looked at her again, still surprised.
and eloquent. You have the ability to carry people along, and you seem to have
very good rapport with people.”
asking me out?” Chika said with a wide grin.
his arm playfully.
silence, “Dara, you’re a great girl and you seem like a go-getter yourself.
I’ll only think of running for president if you consider a post too.”
smiled.
***********
unpainted, like the rest of the school. It contained only a shelf of files,
three wooden chairs and a table behind which the headmistress, a tiny,
middle-aged woman with thick glasses, sat. It was Dara’s second time there in the
two weeks she had spent. The first time had been when she first reported at the
school and had needed the head’s approval to get her acceptance letter signed.
She had been in a hurry to report back to the NYSC secretariat after camp, to
notice how poorly equipped the school was. All she had wanted was to be
accepted at her PPA so she could travel back home to Kwara, to rest off the
three-week orientation camp stress.
show an iota of condescension. She kept a straight face as the headmistress
looked up from what she was writing and said, “Corper Dara, I hope the malaria
has left for good.”
here to commend you. You have been active and hardworking in the little time
you have been in the school, everyone—staff and students alike—felt your
absence when you were not around on Friday. It shows that you are dedicated,
please keep up the good work.”
being a new school, compared to what your other colleagues must be receiving at
other places. This is what makes it even more commendable that you are putting
in so much effort. I want you to know that God does not leave any good deed
unpaid. Please, this our little chat is just to encourage you. Do not relent.”
since her first day in the primary five class of students that could barely
spell basic words, to make a difference. And making that difference she
obviously was.
deserves quality education. I’m only trying to make my own little contribution
to the cause,” she replied the headmistress, who then nodded and remarked
proudly, “More young people should think the way you do, corper Dara.”
the first Thursday in February, a week to the batch A passing out ceremony.
Dara had looked forward to the day with much excitement, and the doughnut-and-drinks
wasn’t even half the attraction for her as was the election that took place the
first few hours.
filled. Chika was sitting next to her as usual, and Dara nudged his arm with a
knowing look when it was time to nominate a presidential candidate.
be to head this CDS group and preside over all its meetings for the next four
months, so please ensure that the person you’re nominating is someone fit for
the job and that will dutifully carry out the roles of a true leader,” the
outgoing president began. “This administration has attempted to create enough
awareness on environmental health issues in the state by organizing public
lectures and carrying out periodic sanitation exercises, but there’s still a
lot to be done to achieve the aim of the group. Whoever you choose as the next
president should have all it takes to steer the group in the right direction,
and as a rule, he/she must be from batch B.
Suggestions?”
on her feet.
Usman, an extremely quiet Hausa guy Dara thought incapable even though he
attended meetings regularly, and she whispered to Chika with a grin, “That’s no
match, you’ve got this.”
for a minute.” He waited till they were both out of earshot, and then the
voting began.
votes for Usman and eighteen for Chika. It felt so good to know many people
believed in him as much as she did, and she couldn’t resist the I-told-you-so
look she gave him when returned back to his seat.
“Every president needs someone to assist him. Who will be the vice president of
the group? The VP can be from either batch B or C, male or female, and you’re
free to nominate yourself if you’re interested.”
said.
asked Chika, genuinely surprised, as many other people voted her.
could you not shine?”
had secretary or provost in mind, but vice president it turned out to be.
today?” Chika asked after the elections.
digging into her doughnut, “Nothing really. You have anything in mind?”
vice. I think that deserves a little private celebration. You’ve never been to
my place before. Today’s a good day,” he said persuasively.
could plan our tenure too, God knows this CDS could use a bit more fun
activities.”
straight from here or you want to stop over at yours first?”
this uniform first—“
know that?”
are quite uncomfortable to move around town with. I’ll call you when I’m set so
you can give me directions.”
anyway. And if I have enough time, I might cook your favourite, noodles.”
told herself as she dressed up in her room. The striped maxi she’d worn at
first felt too dressy, so she opted for her usual jeans and tee instead.
always flirted with her since the very first time they’d met, albeit subtly.
And even though he had never really said anything to that effect, she felt
nervous about going to see him. It might be different this time, since he would
be in his territory. But what if she was taking his friendliness way too
seriously?
in the mirror before she stepped out and scolded herself the red tee was too
tight around the bust line. Later, in the cab, she convinced herself that the
looser, darker-coloured top she had eventually worn was more appropriate,
although she asked herself why so much fuss. It was just Chika afterall.
he met her at the gate and proudly showed off the chalets in the compound. He
stayed in one of them alone, and Dara had to agree—it was indeed a finer part
of town.
I’m totally jealous,” she answered, feigning a sulk.
got inside and gave her a grin. “I was just about to start making lunch. Wanna
come?”
wall and watched him chop up some vegetables. When the food was on fire, he
said as he danced towards her, “Come on, show me some moves.”
how to dance.”
waste.” He continued dancing in front of her, mimicking the ‘body rocking’ in
the music video and making her laugh.
noodles, “Would you like some wine? I got this bottle from my uncle when I went
to Kaduna last month.”
him.
her sanitation idea while they ate. He did appreciate her zeal, but they had
been president and vice for barely four hours, surely there would be plenty of
time later on to discuss CDS!
and without glasses.”
washing the pot and plates they had used.
working and planning. You don’t party, you don’t drink, and you can’t even
leave used plates unwashed.”
like they’re bad habits.”
fun? What unserious thing excites you?”
then froze entirely when she realized the hot air she was starting to feel on
her neck was actually his breath.
damn serious and controlled all the time. Hmm?”
of the utensils, but she remained facing the sink. He was standing too closely
behind her. Half an inch and she would be pressed into his body. She didn’t know what to say. Finally, she
croaked, “Chika.”
kiss on the back of her neck.
suddenly turned very thin.
turned her around so she was now facing him. “Don’t you like it?” he whispered.
he smiled. “That’s a first. You usually know a lot of things.”
removing his hands from her waist the same instant he tried to reach for her
lips, she moved a foot away.
like me?” he asked, putting his hands in the pockets on his trousers.
for more. When it didn’t come, she replied softly, “Not this way. Please.”
What Ronaldo can do, his son can do better.
Adidas mistakenly sends Petr Cech's gloves to Chelsea.
Giant Kit manufacturer, Adidas this week mistakenly sent Petr Cech’s gloves ahead of Arsenal’s clash with Chelsea this weekend. The package was sent to the Blues’ Surrey training ground instead of Hertfordshire.
The 33-year-old switched to the Emirates in June 2015 after spending eleven years at Stamford Bridge.
A Chelsea source however told The Telegraph that the error didn’t create much fuss as the package was immediately sent back to him.
‘There were a few smiles and mischievous remarks when Petr’s gloves turned up here, but we made sure they got back to him as soon as possible.’ The source revealed.
Time for a Digital Detox | By: Tony Ogunlowo
