Mr. President, the hangman must be involved in your fight against corruption – Etcetera

Having helplessly watched corruption over the years eat deep into the fabric of our society, with its devastating effects on our economic, political and social lives as a country, to the extent that public officers who are supposed to fight corruption are themselves corrupt, it now appears that the only man who can help win this war against corruption in Nigeria is the hangman at Kirikiri Prison.
I lived in the prison barracks for many years and after speaking to friends who are still residing there, I got to understand that the hangman at the prison is not happy. He is not happy with the fact that he has been idle for so many years since the military era. A man so good with his hands and can do a lot with ropes and human necks shouldn’t be idling away, especially at a time when the country is in need of someone with such expertise. Mr. President, you just have to find a way of throwing the corrupt public officers at him and let him perform wonders with their necks. It is the only way we can deter these public officers from dipping their hands into the treasury again.
It doesn’t make any sense that we have a hangman who goes to work every day just to idle away. This is a man who loves his job and is willing to work for the country. He doesn’t like the fact that he is being paid salary monthly for doing nothing. He is a patriotic citizen of this country who doesn’t want to be seen as part of the corruption in the system. He wants to put in the work for the salary he is getting paid.
Mr. President, the issue whether Nigeria should adopt capital punishment for treasury looters is non-negotiable. Countries such as China suffered immensely from corruption, but today are thriving because they got their hangmen involved in the fight against it. China has proven to the rest of the whole how capital punishment is the best mechanism for curbing the cankerworm of corruption.
Those who argue that capital punishment should be for only killers are forgetting that treasury looters are themselves killers. So, it is simply common sense to give capital punishment to those who sentence innocent people to their early graves. Only God can quantify in numbers how many Nigerians have met their untimely death through the corrupt practices of many public office holders. We have to understand that it is not only direct shedding of someone’s blood that amounts to murder.
We should consider how many people have died as a result of widespread poverty in the country.
 Nigerians die daily in the course of struggling to get daily bread for themselves and their families, which ordinarily should not be so in a country that is flowing with milk and honey. We should also consider how many soldiers and civilians have died as a result of the $2.1bn that was supposed to be used for the purchase of arms for the military which was diverted to the private bank accounts of a few individuals. Let us also put in mind the millions of people who have died as a result of bad roads in the country.
Treasury looters are murderers and their negative attitudes have done so much damage to Nigeria. How many Nigerian youths have committed suicide because they couldn’t find job after years of graduating? Or have we forgotten so soon how many youths met their untimely death during the immigration recruitment exercise which took place under the administration of former President Goodluck Jonathan? Are we supposed to pretend that it isn’t corruption that is responsible for these and other problems our country has been facing all these years? It was recently disclosed to us by the Minister of Information and Culture, Alhaji Lai Mohammed, that all the money that could have been used to develop the country ended in the pockets of just 55 individuals.
Those who have denied freedom to others do not deserve it also. And under a just system, they should not be walking free. So, for the looters of our common wealth, nothing but a visit to the hangman at the Maximum Security Prisons in Kirikiri will suffice as the appropriate punishment.

Toni Payne never cheated on me – singer, 9ice issues statement

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I am just surprised he’s addressing this issue after seven solid years. 
“It has come to my attention that some people were up to some mischief harassing Toni Payne regarding an evil rumor that was spread years ago. I would like to use this opportunity to state categorically that the song Once Bitten Twice shy was not and can never be about Toni Payne. I have NEVER accused her or told anybody that she cheated on me because she DID NOT. It did not happen and it was never an issue. Let me be very clear. Toni Payne NEVER cheated on me. Some marriages do not work for different reasons.
Unfortunately I released my album at a very delicate time in our relationship and a song from the album was taken the wrong way and things were blown out of proportion due to my silence,” he said.
The indigenous singer who now wishes to be known as ‘The Ancestor’ also hinted that he has on countless occasions apologized to his ex over the release of the song at the wrong time.

“I have apologized to her in person and she has accepted my apology. I have moved on to a fresh start and she has moved on too. I would appreciate if the general public do the same. I would appreciate if people refrain from insulting her for something she is not guilty of. Once again, the song Once Bitten Twice Shy was NEVER about TONI PAYNE. It was just a song. I wish I had come out sooner but I cannot change the past, I can only try and make amends for the future.”
“It is a new dawn for us all and I hope this closes the topic permanently. If it does not, maybe it is best I release a song clarifying this issue for the 100th time because what started all this was a song and all my effort to clear that air via interviews have been futile. I assure you, I will stop at nothing to make sure this evil rumor is put to sleep once and for all. Again It was never my intention to cause her pain. My apologies to everyone who was affected. God Bless!?”

Dambazau’s shoes and the sycophancy of political aides | By: Reuben Abati

 Photo published for Inside Dambazau’s Shoes - Reuben Abati | 360Nobs.com“See what your friends are writing”
“Who?”
“Your fellow columnists. See how they are attacking the Minister of Interior,
General Abdulrahman Dambazau, just because an orderly helped to shine his shoes
in public.”
“I really don’t see what the hoopla is all about”
“Me too”
“I think many of our people just like to talk about shoes. For five years,
Nigerians kept talking about how former President Goodluck Jonathan had no
shoes as a child.”
“But he was the one that started it. Last week
or so, the former President was again talking about shoes. In America.”
“I think people love shoes. That is why they won’t also allow Dambazau to rest
over his shoes.”
“Read what your friend has written here. He says the orderly was subjecting
himself to indignity by bending down to shine his oga’s shoes at a public
ceremony.”
“He doesn’t understand. Many of the commentators are probably thinking of their
own type of shoes. When you see some shoes, you’d certainly not want a speck of
dust anywhere close by. There are shoes and there are shoes. All these people
making noise, have they seen some shoes?”
“Someone once showed me his pair of shoes which
he said he bought for 2, 000 pounds. I swear I’d gladly clean such shoes even
if it is at a solemn funeral.”
“Do you have any idea the type of shoes the Minister was wearing?”
“No. But what does it matter? My point really is that people should stop
blaming the Minister. Look when you are in public office, things like that
happen. It is the duty of your aides to make sure you look good all the time. “
“I agree. A Minister of the Federal Republic must always be impeccably dressed.
If you ask me to choose between Minister Dambazau and that one that wears beret
and dresses as if he is going for a Man O’ War session, I’ll choose Dambazau
any day.”
“My own point is that nobody should blame the Interior Minister. It is not as
if he summoned the orderly and asked him to start shining his shoes in public.
These things happen. We should blame the aide. Aides in government corridors
are too sycophantic, sometimes, they don’t fit the occasion to the act.”
“I have seen quite a few of such aides. I once went with someone to visit a
state Governor. The Governor was the only one sitting on a sofa. All his aides
including commissioners sat on the floor. I didn’t know what to do, whether to
stand or join the aides on the floor. “
“Those aides often respond to their oga’s body
language though. And what did you do?”
“Me? I sat down on the sofa oh. I think it is the aides who are guilty. It is a
peculiar kind of ailment: it is called eye service.”
“I know. We don’t really have a civil service.”
“We have an eye service. Anything that will make the boss happy, even if the
same aides will later turn around and bad mouth the same boss.”
“You know in some government houses, aides
behave like robots. When their boss stands up, they also stand. When the boss
sits down, they too sit down. They eat what eats, and when they see the big
man’s wife, they start grinning from ear to ear.”
“I have seen otherwise educated aides carrying bags for their Oga’s wife.”
“And you know they don’t need to be forced to do all that. People just do it.
It is a way of showing loyalty”
“But I think your friend’s point in this article is that the big men should discourage
such behaviour.”
“Have you not seen where people kneel down to talk to their boss? Even when
they are asked to stand up or sit down, you’d see adults saying, let me remain
on the ground sir. I am fine sir, Your Excellency. I am afraid one of these days,
you’d see an aide prostrating publicly to make their boss feel good. Don’t
blame the boss, blame the aide.”
“I still believe that some big men actually
enjoy it. An old friend lost his job as a commissioner because he had developed
the habit of arguing with the Governor at Council meetings. He refused to
behave like other commissioners, the oga-is-always-right crowd.”
“Any boss that is always right cannot get it right.”
“You know, the guy told me that at a particular Council meeting, one of his
colleagues stood up and told the Governor, sir in fact, I have been meaning to
tell you, I don’t know how you do it, you are the wisest man I have ever seen,
the best strategist in the world, the best thing to have ever happened to our
state. Then, he asked other council members to give the Governor three gbosas.
Our friend said he was shocked.”
“So, did he expect the Governor to sack the praise-singer?”
“That particular commissioner always got anything he wanted. Someone like that
would willingly clean the Governor’s shoes, he’d in fact gladly do it. ”
“I imagine that it is the same in the corporate world. Some company executives
behave like houseboys.”
“It is a Nigerian thing, then. I am sure if General Dambazau had asked that guy
not to shine his shoes in public, he would have been very upset. He would think
he has fallen out of favour. He was happy serving the boss, the same way
policemen are happy to carry bags for other people’s wives.’
“It’s human nature. It’s this whole thing about the survival of the fittest.”
“Like surviving Lassa fever?”
“My brother! That’s frightening. I understand up to about 63 people have died
already in 17 states, and that more may die.”
“The Minister of Health, Professor Isaac Adewole says the Nigerian Government
will write the obituary of Lassa fever by April.”
“I hope so. If it is possible to do it before April, that will help, because
the way Lassa fever is writing the obituary of so many people, it may turn out
to be worse than Ebola virus.”
“I think the Minister and his team, and the various state governments are doing
a good job of alerting the public to the dangers of Lassa fever. Even
government agencies like the NYSC have deployed public enlightenment teams to
market places.”
“One man ran away from a hospital while being treated for Lassa fever. May be
government should begin to quarantine people. These days, when I see anybody
looking sick, even if it is ordinary fever, I start by imagining the worst and
I keep my distance.”
“I hear some people eat house rats.”
“What?”
“Then, public enlightenment should become even more vigorous. Eat rat? How can
anybody eat Okon Calabar?”
“Who is that?”
“Okon Calabar. That’s what we called rats when I was in school. You know some
of these big rats that don’t run away from human beings. When they see you,
they actually act like they want to jump on you. I believe those are the real
multi mammate rats.”
“I have asked somebody to help me buy two cats.”
“You have rats in your house? What kind of house is that? Where do you live?”
“I live in Babana Island.”
“Babana Island. Not Banana Island? Oh, Babana. That island that is around Abule
Egba, close to one refuse dump”
“You no well.”
“When your house is dirty, and nothing is well kept, you’d breed rats, of
course.”
“I don’t live in dirty surroundings. I am just taking precautions. And take my
advice, also try and buy cats. Let’s kill all the rats in Nigeria.”
“I like that. Let’s kill the rats and save lives. But you don’t need cats, get
a fumigator to drive all dangerous things away from your house: rats,
cockroaches, mosquitoes.”
“The cost of fumigation has gone up. I hear fumigators are making serious gains
now.”
“Very soon, the cost of cats will also rise. “
“Cats?”
“Yes. Don’t you know that everything is business in this country?”
“There are too many human rats out there ready to take advantage.”
“What do you mean human rats?”
“You don’t know some human beings are like rats, causing fever?
“You are speaking in tongues. Okay, name one human rat that you know.”
“I am looking at one right now.”
“Me?”
“Yes”
“No. I am not. You should be talking to those
militants in the Niger Delta who are again sabotaging the country by blowing up
oil installations, and giving the Federal Government conditions.”
“The Port Harcourt, Warri, and Kaduna refineries have been shut down due to
pipeline vandalism. At this rate, we ‘d soon buy fuel at N200 per litre.”
“God knows we can’t afford another round of Niger Delta militancy. We have Boko
Haram. We have the Biafra “secessionists.” And now Niger Delta militants are
back to the creeks and trying to reverse the gains of the amnesty programme. In
the end, we will all suffer for it.”
“Don’ t worry, those boys will be dealt with.”
“At what cost? It is better to nip the crisis in the bud.”
“How? By begging the militants? The Federal Government has made it clear that
it will not succumb to blackmail.”
“Who is talking about blackmail?”
“Wahala today. Wahala tomorrow. This Nigeria sef.”
“Yes oh. They are even saying we will now pay stamp duty on all monies paid
into our bank accounts once the amount is over N1, 000. When you add that to
other bank charges, how much is left?”
“My friend, it is just N50.”
“It is not just N50. Why must I dash government money? Is government now
begging for alms? Is it that bad? If I want to give anybody alms, it should be
my decision.”
“There is a law called Stamp Duties Act. They want to enforce the law.”
“So, a bank is now a branch of the Post Office? If anybody posts money into my
account, government will force me to buy stamp? And yet we want a cashless
society? Very soon, people will stop doing electronic transfers.”
“Don’t be stingy. Be a good citizen.”
“N50 on every transaction. For people who run active accounts, that could
amount to very heavy tax by the end of a month. You know what? I think they should
just re-name the banks and call them post offices, since they are now selling
stamps.”
“As in?”
“As in Zenith Post Office”
“Diamond Post Office”
“Union Post Office”.
“Na wa oh.”

Stop Embarrassing Us! Wazobia OAP, Lol0 1, calls out comedienne Princess out on Instagram

 
Nigerian entertainers and social media war. I don’t see this ending soon. The men have finished their episodes, the women have taken over. So, this morning On Air Personality cum comedienne,  Lolo1 took to her instagram page to launch a scathing attack on her colleague, Damilola Adekoya, popularly called Princess. Her grouse is that the latter no longer cracks funny jokes and hasn’t honed her skills over the years.
Good morning guys! I have some things I’ve always wanted to get off my mind.
   
I totally respect and have absolute faith in the growth of the “Stand Up” comedy industry in Nigeria. But I think Females in this industry have a whole lot of work to do. We’re strong, we are beautiful and we are talented but unfortunately some have allowed “pettiness” “rudeness ” and downright classlessness, override whatever form of talent they have.
   
I’m usually not one to call people out, (especially my colleagues) but at this point, someone needs to talk to PRINCESS the ‘comedian’. Madam, what you do on stage is no longer comedy. You’re still acting after the audience have gone. Your attitude, downright rudeness and absolute ridiculousness on stage is an embarrassment to female comedians. As a so called veteran, you of all people should know that when the joke is no longer funny, it’s time to exit the stage. if you know her, please tell her. Madam, abeg clear road. It’s either you work on your craft and fix whatever psychological and emotional issues you have, or leave the stage. Either way, stop embarrassing us.

Short Story: Pristine | By: Morountodun (Vol 8)

Read Parts 1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 of the Pristine series herehere  Here Here here here and here

“Hey sis, how’s it going? Are you
good now?”
“Yeah. I told you the principal
said I could take Friday off? I’ve had all weekend to recover. I feel much
better now.”

“Good. Hope you aren’t too lonely.”

“Well, I’m the only corper in my
school, because the school’s still quite new. I get to see other corpers,
though, during CDS, clearance, in church on Sundays… I’ve friends already, it’s
cool. How’s home?”


“Dinner at the Johnson’s tonight,
we’re getting dressed.”


“Alright. Enjoy.”

“You take care too, Dara.”

“Thanks, Giddie.”

Her phone rang again almost immediately
after the call. It was Chika this time.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“So I discovered this cool place
not so far from yours. How about we try it out for dinner?”
he said.

“Okay,” she replied, smiling at
the coincidence of her whole family dining out that night.

“I’ll meet you at home within an
hour. We’re strolling.”


“See ya.”

It was a beautiful night, the
breeze was just perfect. When they walked away from her street, she observed,
“It’s like there are traffic lights every few metres in this city.”


“Yet you stay in an uncool part of
town. You should see other parts, like where I stay. Gombe is really not a bad
place.”


Dara rolled her eyes. “I already know
my accommodation isn’t the best, you don’t have to rub it in.”

He chuckled.

“Being too comfortable during my
service year would just feel like I never left home, anyway. This’ll give me
some experience to share later in life,”
she said with a defiant shrug.

He snorted. “So when you become
the Nigerian President, you can talk about how you grew up without shoes too?
Goodluck with that.”
“I see what you did there,” she
replied, laughing. “Speaking of presidents, have you ever thought about being
one when batch A passes out? You’re B, right?”


A car sped past then, and he
quickly pulled her away from the road so they switched positions. He looked at
her. “No, I haven’t. Why did you ask?”

“You should think about it. I
think you’d make a good CLO or CDS president, whichever one you prefer.”


“Nah. I’m too much of a rebel to
be a CLO, trust me. President might be cool though. What inspired that
thought?”
He looked at her again, still surprised.

Dara shrugged. “You’re likeable
and eloquent. You have the ability to carry people along, and you seem to have
very good rapport with people.”


“Why does it feel like you’re
asking me out?”
Chika said with a wide grin.

She rolled her eyes again, hitting
his arm playfully.

He told her after some moments of
silence, “Dara, you’re a great girl and you seem like a go-getter yourself.
I’ll only think of running for president if you consider a post too.”


“Okay. That’s fair enough.” She
smiled.

                                                                          
***********
The headmistress’ office was
unpainted, like the rest of the school. It contained only a shelf of files,
three wooden chairs and a table behind which the headmistress, a tiny,
middle-aged woman with thick glasses, sat. It was Dara’s second time there in the
two weeks she had spent. The first time had been when she first reported at the
school and had needed the head’s approval to get her acceptance letter signed.
She had been in a hurry to report back to the NYSC secretariat after camp, to
notice how poorly equipped the school was. All she had wanted was to be
accepted at her PPA so she could travel back home to Kwara, to rest off the
three-week orientation camp stress.

Now she was being careful not to
show an iota of condescension. She kept a straight face as the headmistress
looked up from what she was writing and said, “Corper Dara, I hope the malaria
has left for good.”


Dara  smiled. “Thankfully, it seems so.”

“We bless God. I just called you
here to commend you. You have been active and hardworking in the little time
you have been in the school, everyone—staff and students alike—felt your
absence when you were not around on Friday. It shows that you are dedicated,
please keep up the good work.”


“Thank you ma.”

“I know we pay so little here,
being a new school, compared to what your other colleagues must be receiving at
other places. This is what makes it even more commendable that you are putting
in so much effort. I want you to know that God does not leave any good deed
unpaid. Please, this our little chat is just to encourage you. Do not relent.”


Dara was humbled. She had vowed
since her first day in the primary five class of students that could barely
spell basic words, to make a difference. And making that difference she
obviously was.
“I believe that every child
deserves quality education. I’m only trying to make my own little contribution
to the cause,”
she replied the headmistress, who then nodded and remarked
proudly, “More young people should think the way you do, corper Dara.”
                                                                   *************
The sendforth/welcome ‘party’ held
the first Thursday in February, a week to the batch A passing out ceremony.
Dara had looked forward to the day with much excitement, and the doughnut-and-drinks
wasn’t even half the attraction for her as was the election that took place the
first few hours.
There were five posts to be
filled. Chika was sitting next to her as usual, and Dara nudged his arm with a
knowing look when it was time to nominate a presidential candidate.

“The role of the president would
be to head this CDS group and preside over all its meetings for the next four
months, so please ensure that the person you’re nominating is someone fit for
the job and that will dutifully carry out the roles of a true leader,”
the
outgoing president began. “This administration has attempted to create enough
awareness on environmental health issues in the state by organizing public
lectures and carrying out periodic sanitation exercises, but there’s still a
lot to be done to achieve the aim of the group. Whoever you choose as the next
president should have all it takes to steer the group in the right direction,
and as a rule, he/she must be from batch B. 



Suggestions?”

“I’m nominating Chika,” Dara said,
on her feet.

Someone else got up to nominate
Usman, an extremely quiet Hausa guy Dara thought incapable even though he
attended meetings regularly, and she whispered to Chika with a grin, “That’s no
match, you’ve got this.”


“Chika and Usman, please step out
for a minute.”
He waited till they were both out of earshot, and then the
voting began.

Dara counted. There were seven
votes for Usman and eighteen for Chika. It felt so good to know many people
believed in him as much as she did, and she couldn’t resist the I-told-you-so
look she gave him when returned back to his seat.

The outgoing president continued,
“Every president needs someone to assist him. Who will be the vice president of
the group? The VP can be from either batch B or C, male or female, and you’re
free to nominate yourself if you’re interested.”


“Dara,” someone from the back
said.

“Dara,” another person agreed.

“When did I get so popular?” she
asked Chika, genuinely surprised, as many other people voted her.
He shrugged. “You’re a star, how
could you not shine?”


It was unopposed. She had actually
had secretary or provost in mind, but vice president it turned out to be.

“What’re you doing the rest of
today?”
Chika asked after the elections.

She shrugged and replied before
digging into her doughnut, “Nothing really. You have anything in mind?”

“Well…I made president and you
vice. I think that deserves a little private celebration. You’ve never been to
my place before. Today’s a good day,”
he said persuasively.

She thought about it. “Yeah. We
could plan our tenure too, God knows this CDS could use a bit more fun
activities.”


“How’s it going to be? We go
straight from here or you want to stop over at yours first?”


“I should probably change from
this uniform first—“


“You look good in anything. You
know that?”


She smiled. “These jungle boots
are quite uncomfortable to move around town with. I’ll call you when I’m set so
you can give me directions.”


“Cool. I need to clean my room
anyway. And if I have enough time, I might cook your favourite, noodles.”


“Yayyyy.”

“Cool. It’s a date.”
                                                                              *********

It was no date, just a visit, Dara
told herself as she dressed up in her room. The striped maxi she’d worn at
first felt too dressy, so she opted for her usual jeans and tee instead.
There was denying that Chika had
always flirted with her since the very first time they’d met, albeit subtly.
And even though he had never really said anything to that effect, she felt
nervous about going to see him. It might be different this time, since he would
be in his territory. But what if she was taking his friendliness way too
seriously?

She took a final glance at herself
in the mirror before she stepped out and scolded herself the red tee was too
tight around the bust line. Later, in the cab, she convinced herself that the
looser, darker-coloured top she had eventually worn was more appropriate,
although she asked herself why so much fuss. It was just Chika afterall.

“What do you think?” he asked as
he met her at the gate and proudly showed off the chalets in the compound. He
stayed in one of them alone, and Dara had to agree—it was indeed a finer part
of town.

“That you’re a bloody show-off and
I’m totally jealous,”
she answered, feigning a sulk.

He turned on the stereo when they
got inside and gave her a grin. “I was just about to start making lunch. Wanna
come?”


She leaned against the kitchen
wall and watched him chop up some vegetables. When the food was on fire, he
said as he danced towards her, “Come on, show me some moves.”

Tiwa Savage’s Eminado was playing. Dara shook her head regretfully. “I don’t know
how to dance.”
“With a body like yours? What a
waste.”
He continued dancing in front of her, mimicking the ‘body rocking’ in
the music video and making her laugh.

He asked, while she served the
noodles, “Would you like some wine? I got this bottle from my uncle when I went
to Kaduna last month.”


“I don’t take alcohol,” she told
him.

“Ok. Juice then.”

Chika listened to her talk about
her sanitation idea while they ate. He did appreciate her zeal, but they had
been president and vice for barely four hours, surely there would be plenty of
time later on to discuss CDS!

“You’re like a nerd—only prettier
and without glasses.”


“What?” She was at the kitchen sink,
washing the pot and plates they had used.

He shrugged. “You’re obsessed with
working and planning. You don’t party, you don’t drink, and you can’t even
leave used plates unwashed.”


She laughed. “You make it sound
like they’re bad habits.”


“It depends. What do you do for
fun? What unserious thing excites you?”


Dara paused to think about it,
then froze entirely when she realized the hot air she was starting to feel on
her neck was actually his breath.

“Tell me. You can’t just be so
damn serious and controlled all the time. Hmm?”


She had finished rinsing the last
of the utensils, but she remained facing the sink. He was standing too closely
behind her. Half an inch and she would be pressed into his body.  She didn’t know what to say. Finally, she
croaked, “Chika.”

“Yes, baby.” He planted a soft
kiss on the back of her neck.
“What’re you doing?” Her voice had
suddenly turned very thin.
He put his hands on her waist and
turned her around so she was now facing him. “Don’t you like it?” he whispered.
“I-I don’t know.”
Another kiss on her neck and then
he smiled. “That’s a first. You usually know a lot of things.”

She shook her head. Gently
removing his hands from her waist the same instant he tried to reach for her
lips, she moved a foot away.

“What’s wrong, Dara? Don’t you
like me?”
he asked, putting his hands in the pockets on his trousers.
She looked into his eyes, waiting
for more. When it didn’t come, she replied softly, “Not this way. Please.”
 *********************************************************************************
Morountodun is a writer and a microbiology ‎ graduate of University of Ilorin.
Twitter: @Morountosweet




*********************************************************************************
Are you a writer? Interested in sharing ‎your short stories on this



platform? Be‎ our guest on our Short Story Fridays segment. Email: [email protected] or ololade.olatunji@yahoo/ gmail.com

What Ronaldo can do, his son can do better.

Talk about one soccer star who constantly dishes us with pictures of amazing father and son moments… Talk Cristiano Ronaldo. The Portuguese spends quality time with his mini-me, who clearly is one of the best things that has ever happened to him.

Adidas mistakenly sends Petr Cech's gloves to Chelsea.

Giant Kit manufacturer, Adidas this week mistakenly sent Petr Cech’s gloves ahead of Arsenal’s clash with Chelsea this weekend. The package was sent to the Blues’ Surrey training ground instead of Hertfordshire.

The 33-year-old switched to the Emirates in June 2015 after spending eleven years at Stamford Bridge.

A Chelsea source however told The Telegraph that the error didn’t create much fuss as the package was immediately sent back to him.

There were a few smiles and mischievous remarks when Petr’s gloves turned up here, but we made sure they got back to him as soon as possible.’ The source revealed.

Time for a Digital Detox | By: Tony Ogunlowo

New Year, new resolutions.
There was a time when only a few influential people had a telephone, at home, in the neighbourhood. There was also a time when you had to wait for a thing called a letter to arrive by post before you knew what was happening in the lives of your friends and relatives in the far flung reaches of the world. There was also a time when you had to wait for the national news, at 9, to know what was going on in the country and elsewhere. There was also a time when you had to rely on whatever the newspapers churned out.
The advent of the digital age has made all these things relics of the past. We live in a wired global village, now, where everything is instantaneous.
Nowadays most people have at least one cellular phone and with our modern global telecommunication networks the user can be contacted anywhere they may be in the world. Social media networks such as Facebook and Twitter mean we can stay in touch with anyone in the world, in real-time, instead of waiting for the post to arrive.
We can see the news, now, in real-time as it happens because someone, out there, other than a journalist or news reporter, is recording events on their phones and relaying it through the web to countless recipients worldwide.
The invention of the smartphone has had us glued to our phones 247. We can’t wait to update our Facebook pages, send out a succession of messages on Twitter or catch up on the latest video clips on YouTube. This of course is in addition to our endless chatter.
We do everything online now; we shop, date, socialize and conduct all our business, personal and professional, online.
Some people have invariably become slaves to the digital world and the loss of their smartphones, tablets, laptops or access to the internet can lead to severe disruptions in their lives. Sometimes too much information can lead to an information overload and sooner or later will lead to new ailments creeping into lives – repetitive strain injury, eye strain, chronic headaches and brain fatigue to just a few.
It’s time for a digital detox. Time to switch off the phones, tablets and laptops and pick up a good book and read. Time to come off Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the like and actually go out and meet people. Time to quit the lazy-armchair-online-shopping-thing and actually go out shopping in physical shops.
How would we cope if the internet and digital networks went down and  we’re unable to use our cell phones or go online?
Our reliance on the digital world is becoming more and more overwhelming by the day and we need to take a step back to reduce our reliance.
To do a digital detox try and do the following as often as possible:
·       1,  Get off Facebook and other social media platforms or use them sparingly. Try and do a simple thing like going out and actually meeting people. There’s more to life than a virtual world!
·     2,    Keep internet usage to a minimum. This is a rule that should apply not just to kids but also adults. There are other forms of entertainment out there besides online gaming and gawking at a succession of funny YouTube videos. Books still exist, pick up one and read it. Get a new hobby, join a gym or go for a walk.
·      3,   Have a specific time each day for checking emails, newscasts and blogs. I check my inbox first thing in the morning and late in the afternoon and not throughout the day as some do. This is time wasting.
·       4,  Try and put your smartphone on ‘silent’ so the urge to look at it each time it beeps is greatly reduced.
·      5,   Get rid of all the useless timewasting apps you have on your smartphones and tablets(-IPhone and IPad users are the most guilty ones here!). In a day you waste so much time fiddling with your apps and playing games.
·        6, Try and ban yourself from using your phone for extended periods of time. I know it’s important to stay in contact 247 but do you really need to stay glued to it all day long gossiping with Mama Mulika? No!
We should be Masters of the technology and not slaves to it. Recent tests have shown that our obsession with the digital world is detrimental to our health. Studies have shown that it leads to an increase in our stress levels. We feel fidgety and it affects our brains because we’re processing vast amounts of information all the time, not to talk of other digital world related ailments.

Barcelona's Javier Mascherano sentenced to 1-year imprisonment.

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Barcelona
player, Javier Mascherano has been sentenced to 1-year imprisonment following
charges of tax evasion. The former Liverpool midfielder has also been fined €815,000. Mascherano failed to declare income of
about 1.5m euros  generated from image
rights between 2011 and 2012. He pleaded guilty and reportedly accepted the jail
term.
 Below is an official
statement he released on
his twitter page.
“I’m
a professional sportsman and I don’t know a lot about legal and financial
matters.
“Therefore
I must rely on the people that manage these technical, and for me, complicated,
issues.
“All
my career I have been an honest and responsible person… I will take this
experience that has accosted me as another experience which I will leave
stronger and calmed by the fact that I am once again within the law.”
Meanwhile his Wikipedia page has been edited.
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Search on for boy wearing Messi shirt made out of plastic bag

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Lionel Messi’s team is reportedly searching for a little Messi fan who made an Argentina football shirt with Messi’s name and shirt number out of a plastic bag. The photo of the Barca star fan went viral after it was shared on the social media  page of Turkish sports website Fanatik last week with the caption “Tremendous image. A child in Iraq manages to play in his idol’s T-shirt. The Beautiful Game.”
Another Twitter user (messi10stats) who retweeted the post tweeted this week. “We got DM from Leo’s team. They want to know who this kid is so that Leo can arrange something for him. RT and spread.”


🙂 How kind! My fear is, won’t so many kids claim to be this particular kid?
Open chat