The Nigerian movie industry has witnessed a tremendous growth
over the years. We now have super fantastic crop of actors parading our
screens, exceptional movies with social messages are being churned out and no
doubt, Nollywood is one of Nigeria’s greatest exports. However, inspite of this
impressive development, there have been certain let downs which, with each passing
day are becoming difficult to ignore. So, let’s highlight some of those annoying
issues that are being shoved in our faces in Nigerian films. Candidly, the
Yoruba section of the Nigerian movie industry is the major culprit here.
(1) Fetishism– This is the biggest snag of the industry. 7 out of
10 of Nigerian movies are laced with fetish or witchcraft scenes. Infact, we
are now convinced that visiting a native doctor would solve a problem quicker
and better than seeking medical help.
(2) Subtitles– How best to ease off stress than watching a poorly
subtitled Nigerian movie? Whoever told their writers all sentences have to be
translated literally need several smacks in the butts. For example, a woman who
is angry with her son might reply his greeting thus, “Ti n ba kaaro
nko” meaning, what’s good about the morning? Or please don’t greet me. My
people would “upload”, “what if I don’t good morning?” What
the hell is that?
(3) Shooting- A man would be stabbed several times and his
singlet would be as white as snow. Guys, we don’t mind tastytime or zobo? Then, in yoruba movies, it takes 24 hours or maximum of 48 days for a deep wound to heal.
(4) Car and Passerby– In most street scenes, there’s always this fine or ugly lady
waiting for a cab at the road side. And a young, handsome man who never knows
his way around pulls over, asks for direction, zooms off a bit, reverses and
offers to give her a lift. She turns down the offer at first and after persuasion,
she enters the car, they exchange numbers, the rest is history. Meanwhile, ever
since i started giving out directions, I have never been offered a lift, infact
they just zoom off before I finish talking. Maybe i should try harder.lol
(5) Running in the street– has anyone noticed? There’s always a car
waiting somewhere for every child or adult running on the street. He or she has
to be hit by a vehicle. Yesoo, abi what’s the purpose of the running? And of course
he has to hug the bonnet, slide and die.
(6) Makeup– What will it cost to employ professional makeup
artists for their movie projects? The makeup on some actresses, (Yoruba
actresses especially) can make you puke. Purple lipstick, silver eye shadow and
then a straight-lined brow. It is always an eyesore Sigh!
(7) Bland sound track- I’m sure you have something to say on this. And you’ll agree with me that instrumentals
are better used than those bland/wacky soundtracks they make us listen to. Soundtracks
that tell the entire story are the most annoying. And then they start singing
like strangled cats. Oh please!
(8) Poison– Please help an ignorant lady here. Do they really sell poison
in chemist’s shops? I mean the one in liquid form, with POISON boldly written
across the bottle? Dear filmmakers, once you bring out a bottle, cry, down the
contents and then writhe in pains, leave the rest to us. It’s pointless writing
POISON on bottles. We can think!
(9) Date/romantic scenes: Some date scenes discourage you from going into a
relationship. In fairness, some are brilliantly shot. If they are not hugging
pillow up and down, they run round a certain palm tree till one of them decides
to fall down. Please stop that! There was one I saw, I actually forced
myself to forget the title. The couple visited an eatery, bought ONE bottle of
Maltina drink and ONE piece of chicken and then shared it between them.
Taaaar!!! If you will take out of your lover’s food, you should at least have
one plate to yourself.
(10) Diagnosis/Hospital Scene– Their Doctors be like, “your son
has been diagnosed of cancer, we need to get some Panadol extra and Vitamin C
which cost N100, 000. You have to deposit N50, 000 before we commence
treatment”. And then the person playing
the role of the Doctor turns out to be, a go-to actor for crime roles. Sigh!
