“Anyone that blames Keshi or the boys is short sighted. Our football is long dead and gone. This is just the confirmation” Okocha tweeted.
54 and about to crawl with its buttocks, here are 26 ways to tell what a Nigerian is…
If you give the Nigerian 11 hours of electricity, it would be as confusing as 11 women vying for his attention; he wouldn’t know the first thing to do. Should I have sex with all 11 of them or should I watch them have sex with themselves? Light is a porous deal; there’s always an undertone to such generosity (hint: election is on the way!).
He is not used to such waste of power, he wonders why he should have light when he doesn’t need it and feels guilty not doing anything about it. So instead of a nap, he is going to watch TV, make good use of the light, until his eyes turn red.
The Nigerian is a healthy church-goer and believes one hour of prayer is enough to cure anything- from poverty to disease.
The Nigerian wants four children- three boys and one girl
The Nigerian loves parties. Weddings are a must, beer is a good friend, loud live music is the icing
The Nigerian is a die-hard football fan.
The Nigerian has witnessed a thief stripped naked and beaten to half-dead more than once
The Nigerian has witnessed police N20 bribery more than 54 times
He learns new vocabulary on the street- when a danfo hits a Range Rover.
The word “hardship” has been used over 54,000 times before he clocks 10
“Up NEPA” is something the Nigerian understands even whilst chilling in his mother’s womb
The Nigerian is aggressive to the poor, subservient to the rich
The Nigerian laughter comes straight from the pit of his groin- a loud and cheery grunt.
The Nigerian trusts a foreign accent, but is suspicious of all 360 accents from the different tribes in his country
The Nigerian is in traffic 255 days out of 365 days a year
The Nigerian is rich, in Jesus’ name.
Imbecility is a thing for comedy shows and not a medical problem.
The Nigerian will go to hell and rebuke anyone who commits suicide. Nigeria is already hell, why are you so in a hurry to experience anything hotter?
The Nigerian loves “ass songs” and “dollar songs”
The Nigerian always pays premium for crappy services.
The Nigerian grows another layer of epidermis for when his green passport sits on the table anywhere in the world.
Corruption is only corruption when it is committed by office holders
We are of the opinion that politicians are of a different species than the rest of us even though we bribe teachers during our children’s exams and ship in adulterated drugs for mass consumption.
The Nigerian will argue a point until the moon crumbles like a piece of paper and falls from the sky
The Nigerian will waste half of his 20s waiting through a tertiary education
He has three fancy phones and N100 recharge card in every one of them.
The Nigerian spent Oct 1 drinking beer and analysing the president’s speech.
The Nigerian is proud to be Nigerian, except when he is not.
PS: This was written on Wednesday October 1 on my bed, laptop on my lap. I could have sworn it was Tuesday! I am rushing through, my fingers tapping furiously before my battery runs out. Ah! Nepa! Power is back, so what do I do? Make a sandwich, watch some TV, inhale the wet smell of rain, and close my windows firmly so the empty happiness of neighbours does not deceive me to think today is any better than yesterday.
Nonetheless it is a new day.
Credit: www.sabinews.com
Photocredit: Google
Aston Villa assistant Manager, Roy Keane is yet to settle scores with his former boss, Sir Alex Ferguson. And from the interview he granted reporters during the launch of his Autobiography (The Second Half), he’s still bitter, mad at him and possibly not interested in mending fences.
His grouse exactly. “He was never critical when we were winning trophies and he was getting his new contracts, getting this and that named after him – Sir this, and whatever else. He made millions of pounds out of it. He got his statues. He got his stand named after him. To criticise people who brought him success was just ridiculous.”
And on Jose Mourinho, he branded the Chelsea manager’s attempt at shaking his hands before the end of Chelsea/Aston Villa game few weeks back, disgraceful.
“The game is still going on, You wouldn’t do that on a Sunday morning, you would get knocked out. “I don’t mind all that [mind games] but the game is still going on. It’s disgraceful. I’ve seen him doing it to other managers; it is a disgrace.”
Photo Credit: The Guardian UK
The mother of one died a week ago after a brief illness. Her burial which was initially slated for today has been postponed. The 30 year-old is survived by parents, a one year-old son, and three siblings.
May her soul continue to find repose. Amen.
Photocredit: Encomium
The management’s face: Gozzy Miller and Soibifaa Peniel have been steady and reliable brand ambassadors whilst the Managing Director: Kelvin Michael Mpi could never be a better man for the job.
“At beige we see ourselves as a family, decency and decorum has been our watchword and that has been our staying power amidst all industry’s odds.” Says the Creative Director and Founder, Boyle Daniel Teinye.
She talks on a range of topics from her humble beginning to the initial challenges of being a single mother; her rise to fame as a Nollywood star; and the relaunch of her fashion brand – St. Genevieve. We had a great time hanging out with Genevieve and still cannot get over her attempt at making goofy faces during interview.
VIDEO LINK: http://youtu.be/nev6oTLD-M0
“This will be the last time I will speak about Ike Uche and I will not speak about him again, we are not quarrelling. Before the match against Congo, i gave them the list because I never thought I will come back to handle the team. I told them I will not do the list because I am not your coach they say no, so I did the list.
“Ike Uche’s name was in the 24-man list. He didn’t even know about it, I did not tell him. Uche called me four days later and I was like ah, we spoke and that was it. The next time I told the team secretary to ask the players if they had South African visa and if they don’t have it so that they can get the visa. When Uche was asked, he said why are you asking me, what do you need my passport for? I hate to speak without Uche not being here. You can call him and put it on speaker, if I’m telling lies let him say it.
“Please nobody should ask me about Uche again; Uche said he wants somebody to explain to him why they said he was a bad kid, and if not he is not playing. I said ok take his name out. I am not going to beg Uche, I’m not going to ask Daniel to beg Uche. We all played for this country for twenty something years and nobody begged us to play. We were begging to play. So let it be the end today, don’t ask me about Uche. Why not encourage the kids who have come here to play for their country. Why must it be Ike Uche, is it only him, Obafemi is not saying anything, we have hundreds of other players who are not here,” Keshi warned.
Credit: Vanguard
Newly-elected Governor of Ekiti State, Ayodele Peter Fayose has released a new photoshoot ahead of his inauguration. The event will take place on October 16,2014. The first time he assumed office as Governor of the state was on May 29, 2013, he left on October 16, 2006.
President Goodluck Jonathan has slammed a recent post by RichestLifestyle.com listing him as the 6th richest president in Africa with an estimated net worth of $100 million.
Speaking through his Special Adviser on Media and Publicity, Dr. Reuben Abati, GEJ affirmed that the write up is another attempt to unjustifiably portray the President as a corrupt leader and incite public disaffection against him.
“There has been no significant variation in the totality of his personal assets as contained in his last declaration to the Nigerian Code of Conduct Bureau in 2011 which, as can be verified, was a very, very far cry from the $100 million figure now being bandied about by Richest Lifestyle.com and other irresponsible, copy-cat publications.
“The clear and unacceptable imputation of the claim that President Jonathan is now worth about $100 Million is that the President has corruptly enriched himself while in office which is certainly not the case.
“We therefore demand a retraction and an unreserved apology from Richest Lifestyle. com and all those who have reproduced the offensive article.
“Otherwise, they should be prepared to substantiate their libelous claims against the President in courts of law within and outside Nigeria.”