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Alibaba At 50, Not Possible & Other Matters Arising

You see, I remained shocked when I saw the Newspaper adverts proclaiming this legends 50th. It cannot be possible, Ali has gone to increase his age because his wife now na Bank MD and maybe he is looking for political appointment in his Delta state of origin. Ali was a small boy in our secondary school with K legs. He was very quiet and could barely speak English when he came into the school. 

As his confidence grew he became quite rascally as the small girls that sold groundnuts and petty things within the school became his targets. Ali was a very humble junior student, who did all his best to avoid doing his homework and manual labour and this always put him in trouble with the authority. Forget what you will hear, or what he will tell his wife, this is his official biography from those who knew him from when he had only one short and one T shirt. 

After school, I lost touch with him until he surfaced again at Muyiwa Majekodunmis club Jazzville in yaba. He could not afford the gate fee at that time, so he bartered with his talent. He was allowed in for free and in exchange, he performed for free. This was what made the legend we see today. While we were lounging at the VIP section, you know I had small money then, Ali was entertaining us and after his very powerful performance, I will send a bottle of coke his way and he will come and say thank you. Today, na Ali dey VIP, na me dey beg to see am. You see life. 

Ali is married to my sister Mary. Mary is everything you have heard about a Calabar woman and more. Me I am closer to her than I am to Ali, even though she has not taken my call since she became MD. But her sunshine and energy still echo around me and her success in banking remains a reference point for me as a struggle to climb. 

Well Ali refused to invite me for his 50th, despite the fact that I gave him his first opportunity to perform in Shomolu, he remains in my books as one of the greatest living Nigerians after Governor Aregbesola. Lest I forget, he graciously wrote the Forward to my book, Loud Whispers so for that, all is forgiven. But you for still invite me na. I wish you a happy Birthday and many more Afang Soup courtesy of your very beautiful wife, my sister in whom I am very pleased. God bless you bro.‎



Benue State House Of Commotion

Ok, I missed this fight and I am regretting. I love a fight. I watched the Rivers own where the majority leader was seen wielding the mace like the sword you see in children’s cartoons. He gave his opposing members a sound beating that blood was spewing everywhere. 

This was better than all those pre rehearsed wrestling shows Americans export to our country. You see why I hated missing that broadcast. Please is it possible they fight again, like next week Saturday when I will be at home and not be distracted by work. 
I don’t like watching repeated episodes, I will prefer a fresh second round. I am really begging, these Benue people, they must not resolve this matter, this fight must continue and the beatings must not stop. Rubbish.

Senator Ben Bruce

This first time Senator is so mesmerized with this his first victory at the polls that one would be forgiven if he thought that Mr. Bruce won the Presidency. The way he has been carrying on, his almost childlike excitement has moved from admiration to confusion. The Social media pictures on Arik, the statements on both serious and mundane issues and the purported attempt at donating his wardrobe allowance to Osun Workers all combine to give you the impression of a young child suddenly unleashed in a sweet shop. 

I listened intently to him on a radio programme this Sunday and it was all the same, ‘I am happy I am a Senator’. Well my Lord, calm down and settle down and face the work. The task is heavy, it’s beyond flying Arik, it’s beyond proclaiming your exploits with Silverbird, it’s the pushing of meaningful and fundamental bills that will attempt at solving some of our major problems. This is not a tea party, Abeg leave social media and start work.
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Sai Baba, Where Are The Ministers 

Everybody has begged me not to write this article. From my mother, to my wife. Infact my wife said I should first give her six months chop money before I write the article. To show her resolve, she seized my iPad and locked it up until she got the alert. 
When I mentioned it to my Pastor, he said I should not try it that he did not want to loose focus on his prayer points and start praying for my release from the gulag instead. But why is everybody around me afraid, me I am not afraid of Sai Buhari, after all I am a potential son in law and to further boost my immunity, I have already purchased five cows to use as a peace offering should incase I get into trouble.

So here goes, sir where are the Ministers? Where is the cabinet? I know with the power configurations within APC and Asiwaju’s wounded ego this would be a Herculean task and this is why you should have made these appointments much earlier. 

The election was won quite early and since my other Egbon capitulated with no court cases bothering you, you had ample time to screen and select your Ministers especially with the very clear vision with which you rode to power. 

This is beginning to look like another Baba go slow kind of show. Let’s see some action and less of the symbolic populist moves like slashing salaries, cutting aides, reducing number of journalists on your entourage and give us action.

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I have my own nominees and my advise is for you to reach across your divided party and extend the hand of fellowship to PDP so that you can build consensus easily. People like Kashamu, Alamasiagha, Patience Goodluck Jonathan still have a lot to offer this country if given the platform.‎

Kenny Ogungbe of Alagbado
This is my Egbon, the great Kenny Ogungbe. The man who single handedly redefined music. The Otunba Are of Nigerian Music, the one who refused to die, the Anikulapo of Alagbado and the piller of the industry. As I know wan leave my book on book store gathering dust, I have been calling my friends begging them to buy the book so that I can pay off GTB before they take me to EFCC. 

This morning, I placed a call to the Lord of Ajao Estate, the Baba of Hip Hop and the Lion of Onireke, asking him to buy since I devoted a whole chapter to him. My king took the call, hailed me back and immediately asked how much the Book was. I said it was just 3,500, he whistled and ask if could pay 1,000 and that if I agreed, he will by 3. 
Haaaaaa!!!!!! I screamed, he said I should answer him quick jo that he had to go on air, that I should just agree so he can write his post dated cheque for 3,000. He wanted to know when I I’ll send the Book to Alagabo, so he wanted to sight the Book first to make sure I really mentioned him and if he did not see his name, he will pay 800. 
Wetin I go do na. This na my baba, so I am waiting for his post dated cheque for the book.

Meanwhile, he has just revealed to me that his artiste Joel, the one that sounds and looks like Tuface the Legend has just dropped a Bomb. No be Boko haram kind o. He says the song will destroy all boundaries and throw us into a frenzy of worship. I await the link. Me, I must hear this song o. When I listen finish you will all get my reviews. Baba oooooooooooooo, I’m still on the floor in continued subjugation to your mighty power.
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Joseph Edgar is an investment banker who writes as a hobby. He writes usually on trending topics from a satirical point of view. He blogs atjosephedgarng.blogspot.com‎


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Entertainment, Health

Dental Nursing week begins in Lagos

Health experts will on Wednesday, July 1, 2015 discuss the management of cleft patients in Nigeria. They are also expected to discuss the role of Dental Nurses in the treatment of cleft patients and the myths about cleft, lip and palate in children.
A statement issued in Lagos by the coordinator of the School of Basic Dental Nursing, Lagos University Teaching Hospital, Ms. Adeyanju Aina, said the programme would take place at Hall 36, Lagos University Teaching Hospital.

“The aim of the programme is to promote oral health and cleft surgery. The event expected to begin at 10:00am, will be attended by government officials, students and business executives” the statement reads. 

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Entertainment

Opinion: Is Buhari Already Confused? | By: Etcetera

If there is any group of individuals who can manufacture shock, political punditry out of nothing, it is the All Progressives Congress. They cried out that Jonathan was doing a terrible job as President of Nigeria. They said his inability to run the Federal Government is the reason our country has lapsed into wholesale chaos. He is the reason corruption decimated our population, turned brother against brother.
He is the reason our military became weak and our borders constantly breached by Niger, Chad and Cameroonian gendarmes. He is the reason our cities have all lost power and we have reclined back into the dark ages. He is the reason why thousands of wild dogs/Boko Haram roam our streets and rip our children apart. With democracy being an institution where we worry about how many people ‘agree’ about certain things, APC must be concerned that Nigerians are actually seeing that Buhari is not the messiah we need. When I wrote that Nigerians shouldn’t celebrate Buhari yet, a lot of his sympathisers reached for my scalp with all types of derogatory vocabularies. 
Now, just a couple of days into his regime and even before the flag is hoisted up the pole, the same people have started singing the same old song that he is too slow. Just like in the time of Jonathan. Why am I not surprised? When I talked about Buhari’s age, they said presiding over the affairs of a country is different from being a bricklayer. Why is Buhari now wishing he was younger? What has ‘changed’ him? Didn’t he know his age before ‘borrowing’ money to acquire the form to contest for president.
Listening to APC and President Buhari’s excuses of just being in government for only few weeks is like watching a doctor on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ pounding on a patient’s chest until another doctor has to pull him off and say, ‘Sir it’s over!’ That’s what I want to say to President Buhari. Sir, it’s over! We are tired of having president with excuses. You didn’t give us these excuses in any of your campaign speeches. Nigerians, it’s time to move on! There will be other disasters. There will always be presidents with excuses.
The president will cut down the cost of governance. He won’t have as many ministers and advisers like Jonathan. How is approving the appointments of two media aides with the same job description cutting down the cost of governance? What is the difference between a Senior Special Assistant (Media and Publicity) and a Special Adviser (Media and Publicity)? The issue of applying the rule of law in certain matters of state that demands immediate and urgent attention is not why we voted for Buhari. For Christ’s sake, the country is in dire straits.
We are in desperate times as a country and as such, the streets won’t accept these excuses. President Buhari shouldn’t be telling Nigerians that he met an empty treasury. We want to hear of measures his government is taking to recover the stolen funds. This government seems overwhelmed and confused already like what we’ve had in the past. He should also understand that not having his cabinet in place at this point in time is dangerous. President Buhari should know that he can’t govern this country alone. It will take all hands on deck to get this country back on track.
He cannot be the president and the minister of defence and petroleum all by himself. He can’t be at different places at the same time. Being the president of a huge country like Nigeria is different from being the managing director of a business. One does not “run” the Federal Government. You can run a train and you can run your own small business, but the Federal Government of Nigeria is bigger than the largest enterprises of this world. Equating any portion of the Federal Government to a business stretches the meaning of metaphor.
No business is attacked by other countries or has to deliberately kill people, or has a board of 469 National Assembly members, majority of which are trying to bankrupt the company in order to make the CEO look bad, nor does any company operate within transparency of allowing thousands of journalists to pore over their affairs, or carry your opponent’s opinions as if they were facts, or react to hundreds of lawsuits per day from its own employees, or thousands of lawsuits per day from third parties.
No private company is responsible for accomplishing its mission within tens of thousands of laws that deliberately operate against its efficiency. No private company has a board that authorises spending via commitment of financial resources and then separately approves their payment or its equivalent debt.
No business operates from the need to pass legislation in order to change direction, or to accomplish its primary objectives, (environmental safety, energy independence, internet security, university research, election compliance, full employment policies, taxation reform, anti-terrorism, healthcare reform, and intelligence gathering).
No organisation has the responsibility to send soldiers to defend its allies or be responsive to the impact that changed laws, policies, and tax provisions have upon other nations, friend and foe alike. And finally, no organisation is responsible for administration and enforcement of tens of thousands of laws, rules, and regulations against millions of separate entities.
Is President Buhari capable of providing direction, implementing a NASS approved budget, prioritising and recommending budget changes, negotiating legislation, submitting qualified candidates for the courts, appointing and supervising staff and cabinet members, including the joint chiefs of the military, and effectively communicating volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous issues to the Nigerian public? Absolutely, NO!…
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Entertainment

"He is not a civil servant, why query him?" Sunday Oliseh jumps to Vincent Enyeama's defence

Ex Nigeria international, Sunday Oliseh Oliseh has risen to the defence of Super Eagles goalkeeper, Vincent Enyeama over his ‘unguarded statement’ on the choice of Kaduna as the host of Nigeria’s Afcon qualifier against Chad.
Enyeama has been under fire from the NFF since making the supposed uncomplimentary remarks. Speaking today on Brilla FM, Oliseh stated that Enyeama deserves better treatment from the Nigerian football governing body adding that his query was uncalled for.

” He’s not a civil servant why are you querying him, he’s a professional football player, the Captain and he aired his opinion that I think should be respected.‎ Nigeria just likes to make trouble out of nothing.”

“If my son does something wrong, I will give him a platform to air his opinion. Amaju Pinnick should have called Vincent Enyeama.”‎
” Who do we think we are, this is one of the best goalkeepers in the world. Who are the members of the committee that want to question him, these men have never played football and neither do they know how football is run. He played and won so where’s the conflict?”

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Entertainment

President Buhari Dissolves NNPC Board

President Muhammadu Buhari has dissolved the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) board with immediate effect.
The directive to that effect was conveyed in a letter signed today by the Head of the Civil Service of the Federation, Barr. Danladi Kifasi.
Buhari in a statement signed by Haruna Imrana, Director of Communications for the Head of Service of the Federation expressed gratitude to members of the board for their services to the country.
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Entertainment

Same sex marriage now legalised everywhere in the US

The Supreme Court today legalised same-sex marriage across the United States. The decision was written by Justice Anthony Kennedy. He affirmed that it was wrong for states to deny gays and lesbians the same marriage rights enjoyed by opposite-sex couples for years. 
Senator Amy Klobuchar, of Minnesota’s Congressional delegation said‎, “This is a momentous day in our country’s pursuit of equality and justice. The Supreme Court has affirmed what many states, including Minnesota, have already proudly recognized: same-sex couples deserve the right to marry.”
Rep Tim Wall added, “Today’s decision makes clear that our LGBT brothers and sisters are entitled to the same rights as the rest of us; that the pursuit of happiness cannot be limited because of who you love. Yes, today is a landmark day in our nation’s history and I could not be more proud.”
Prior to the judgement, more than 70% of Americans already live in states where gay marriages are legal and thousands of couples have wedded.

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Entertainment

"I am looking for love". Pep Guardiola

  2. Bayern Munich coach, Pep Guardiola has a beautiful wife, kids, and he isn’t interested in starting another family. Don’t look in that direction. What he wants is the feeling that he’s loved in his managerial career.
  4. Speaking recently at a charity event, the Spaniard said his priority is not to win titles but to be appreciated.
  6. “I do all I am doing in my life to be loved. My ambition is not to win titles, I am looking for love, nothing more. I read in an article by an American educationalist that a child won’t learn if it does not feel empathy with the teacher. I try to use that in my work.

  8. “Often a player feels bad, because he thinks the coach does not like him and not because he is not playing. I had a great player once who did not score. We went to a cafe together to talk. Not about football but about life. In the next match, this player scored two of our four goals. He felt special because he felt loved.”



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Entertainment

An Open Letter To Nigeria's Incoming Minister Of Aviation | By: Temitope Bolarinwa

My Dear Honourable Minister,
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As I congratulate in advance of your appointment I want you to look away from those who may be debating whether or not you are the best man for the job and let us seriously get to work as there is a lot to be done.
Earlier this June we remembered families and victims of the last major accident in our airspace; pointing that our airspace has been safe to a large extent for the past three years and we passed IATA security audit of our airports. All these added to series of remodeling carried out by the last administration and the ability to retain our Category 1 FAA rating make a good foundation to build a lot of work you will need to do on.
I will like you to know that it will be very wise to make most of your policies around profitability of airlines without compromise on safety as airlines are the life-blood of any successful aviation system. Airlines support our economy by connecting people and ideas from one point to another in needed time, employing a lot of people and contributing a lot to the FG account in taxes and levies to mention a few.
Highly critical is to the operations of airlines is fuel price; airlines in Nigeria currently spend approximately 65% of their income on fueling leaving a meager 35% to cover for all other expenditure including maintenance and overheads this is a far cry to around 35% of income airlines in other parts of the world spend on fueling improving airline profitability in that region and hence the great news of progress we always hear from them.
While it is not wise for government to subsidise fuel price for airlines considering the state of the overall economy, my advice to you about this is to join forces with other key ministers to push for and support local refining of crude oil which will no doubt bring down the cost of Aviation fuel to our airlines, reducing their expenditure thereby helping them to do more for the better of everyone.
 According to channels television, Route development is the life-blood of the airlines, a means of promoting growth, securing profits and satisfying various constituencies. Nigeria is said to be losing over 200 billion Naira annually to international airlines that have been generously given more than enough flight rights into Nigeria at the detriment of Nigerian carriers which are left with just three per cent of the international market share.
The inability of Nigerian airlines to ply most of the routes has led to an imbalance in the over 80 Bilateral Air Services Agreement (BASA) between Nigerian and most countries. We need to start harnessing this potential and fast. My suggestions on that would be to either create incentives to assist private airlines to cover the other part of these agreements or create a national carrier for this purpose. Recently Rwandair started to operate a Lagos Dubai service dropped by Arik. I read the news and became so disturbed. People would speak to you about a national carrier all the time, please make sure it starts for the right reasons and it is run with a lot of strategy, we do not want a repeat story.
I have to let you realize if you already do not know that just before your appointment there was an ugly development; customs decided to start charging airlines duty for importing aircraft parts. Let me highlight that this duty was previously removed to help reduce the running cost of airlines as 99% of these parts are not available locally anyway and to charge them duty on these items that usually cost thousands of dollars monthly was to in fact plunge them into further debt. Honorable minister, this move will shorten the average life span of our airlines and is not good for a lot of our people, please look into this urgently.
Aviation industries develop through intentional efforts made with specific goals in mind, but I am sure you know this anyway. I want you to make intentional efforts to make aircraft parts available locally, it will require you and your office putting together a very rigorously prepared program but the good news is that it is possible; many countries in the world have done it, local Parts availability would improve the profitability of airlines and help our system. The venture is capital intensive and that is why it requires intentional support.
Finally we need MROs locally; my direct suggestion on this is for the Federal government to start one. It is a lucrative business that will create a lot of jobs and generate a lot of patronage from within Africa, most Aircrafts in Africa currently go abroad to get services that require us bringing down expertise and machinery to be able to perform here. If the federal government cannot start one, we can create incentives for private businesses to start one or enter into agreements with world class MROs to come to Nigeria.
 
I would be glad to see you succeed and I am very sure a lot of Nigerians want that view too.
Best Wishes.
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Entertainment

That Alaafin's Young Wife | By: Joseph Edgar

As I look at this lady’s picture, the Mona Lisa comes to my mind. The mysterious and dazzling look of a strange and far off beauty. How this rare specie landed in the Palace of the withered Alafin remains a mystery that will take eons to decipher.
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As I look at this picture, I begin to understand the meaning of true beauty, the almond shaped eyes, the full lips and the smooth skin like warm milk chocolate all combined to make the Alafin the most admired man on this side of the equator.With that kind of beauty, the Alafin should go for home schooling rather than unleashing her to the boisterous community that is the University of Ibadan. He would have to, apart from engaging the Nigerian Police Force put his juju men on strict alert to cause immediate seizure and epilepsy for any intruder as she goes about her studies.
But I ask, what would the Alafin be doing with this work of Art, at his age how would he exploit the opportunities that lie in those curves? Would he like the biblical King David just lay on his royal bed and allow the queen of Oyo sing his oriki and clean the sweat of frustration from his forehead as he mules what could have been if he was not all of 100 years old.
What is the use of buying a Range Rover if you cannot drive it, would you get total fulfillment if your driver keeps driving it, enjoying its melancholic humming as it dishes out smooth pleasure at every touch of the throttle? Would you get total fulfillment sitting at the back and watch as your driver imbues himself in the inner warmth of a gloriously built machine?
Won’t you one day just die from exhaustion as you get overwhelmed,  your poor old heart wishing and only wishing that you could for just 10 minutes be that young, solidly built driver.
Well make I keep my big mouth shut, wetin concern me. This lady has thrown once again the notion of the Nigerian Beautiful woman into public discourse. Are light skinned women more beautiful, do we as men prefer them to their darker skinned counterparts or why would the Alafin go for three of these variant?
The answer my friend, is in the air.
Thank you.‎
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Joseph Edgar is an investment banker who writes as a hobby. He writes usually on trending topics from a satirical point of view. He blogs at josephedgarng.blogspot.com
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Entertainment

Event: Champions Church presents, 'Man For All Seasons' | 28th June, 2015

Ever wondered what makes a man ideal? 
In a recent among a group of people, the issue “what makes a man” was raised. At the just celebrated Father’s day, a lot of men- fathers, fathers-in-waiting, young me, boys and “baby daddies” had a lot to rejoice about and it wasn’t just the fact that they were alive to witness another year of celebrations, some were celebrating their new progeny, their upgrade into adulthood, their capabilities as fathers and their abilities to produce children. While some are male at best, some others can actually be called men by the definitive standards.
The big question is, What are these definitive standards? What makes a man ideal?
Join us this Sunday 28th June 2015, 9am @ 105 Ogunlana drive Surulere, Lagos as we discuss the 4H Man- His Head, His Heart, His Hand and of course, His Handsomeness.
Host: Biodun Adeyanju; 
Guest attendance: Mai Atafo.
RSVP– Blessing 08032238804
This event is FREE for all and is Powered by Champions Church. 

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